We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
