and you said cock pushups were impossible
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
