someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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