I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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