Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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