dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
