at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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