Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
