Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
They are going to name an STD after you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
