Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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