dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize