hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
only you would photoshop your dick
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Randomize
