Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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