it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
