i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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