my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
