I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
