i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
