I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
