even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mom said you looked used
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
