There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize