i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize