Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
