Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
