The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
