Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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