i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
