remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
