she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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