She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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