I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
