he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
