If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
