You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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