do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
