the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
