you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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