it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
