If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
