During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
that's an acceptable place to lick
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
