Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Damn victory sex feels great
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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