there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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