"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
