Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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