Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
