I bet he comes in French.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
