Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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