i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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