that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
