i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
