That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I want her autograph on my taint
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
