i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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