All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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