I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
