I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
