i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my shit smells like andre
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
