i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
