she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
