hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
