ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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