then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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