You work out of a Hotel?
You smell like stripper and shame
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
