I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
