Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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