i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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