i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
