I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
