Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
